In a recent post, I have talked about dating and how you should get back into the dating field. It’s exciting, it’s a fun experience, it’s something new. It’s great, it really is. However, I currently experienced something that I don’t know whether or not I should feel the way I do. I’ve had great dates since I got back in the dating field, but due to distance, being occupied with trying to find a job and other reasons, I have not been fully interested in dating. Looking back at my last date, it left me frustrated with men. Not all men, but some. Let me explain.
Dating while in college can be tricky. There’s so many guys on campus that you see every day, but you don’t know their relationship status. Being too shy to approach these campus cuties, I decided to try online dating. Plus, I wanted to date older guys. I downloaded Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, and the notorious Tinder. (Not all at once, that would have made me go insane!) I’ve met great guys on all three. However, my Tinder date was the last date I went on.
While swiping through a collection of all sorts of guys, I found one that I was very interested in. His name was Tom (not really, but for the sake of confidentiality, that’s what we’re going to call him.) He was tall, handsome, interested in literature and art like I am, and most importantly, he wasn’t looking for a one-night stand. So I swiped right. And guess what? We matched!
We talked every single day for about a month before we decided to meet each other. I got a really vibe from him. We held intellectual conversations about our favorite books, we had similar interests in music, and we talked for hours about art. He even sent good morning and good night texts. Match made in heaven, right? Next thing you know, we made plans for a date.
Our date was your typical first date… We went for dinner and a movie. Dinner was at La Fontana in Bloomsburg, and the movie was about a hotel. During our date, we continued having intellectual conversations, learned we had the same sense of humor, and never shut up the entire time we were together.
You’re probably wondering what ticked me off, right?
After our date, Tom opened the car door for me, hugged me goodbye and told me to expect another date soon. I was so excited! However, days went by and I didn’t hear a word from him. I could not figure out why he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. We just had the best date and now there was nothing but silence.
Nothing until last night. Tom finally responded, apologizing for not returning any of my messages. He also informed me of why he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. Reason being? Because I was “a little bigger than what he expected.” Are you kidding me?
I am not fat, but I am a woman with curves. I have an hour-glass figure that I am not ashamed of it. I wear clothes that fit and that compliment my body. I look exactly how a woman is supposed to look.
Does Tom know that I eat healthy and exercise every other day? No, and that should not be something you have to tell someone or explain to them. I look at myself every single day. I know what I look like. I’m not thrilled with it, but I’m working on it.
What did he expect me to do? Write in my about me section warning men that I am curvy and a little bigger than the average woman? I’m sorry, but that is messed up.
Tom was 6’2, very skinny, had short blond, spiky hair, who used to have gauges in his ears. Besides his height, Tom did not fit my dream requirements for my perfect man. However, I’m able to look past all of that, see him for who he really is, accept him and move on from there. Not once did I think to lose interest in him based on his spiky hairstyle, the holes in his ears, or how skinny he was.
I really thought that he would be able to see past the curves of my body. He didn’t. Instead, he looked right past how well we clicked together, forgot my awesome, witty sense of humor, forgot about our common interests and the hour-long intellectual conversations we’ve had. He forgot all of the good in me because of what he saw on the outside.
Now you understand.
Part of me doesn’t want to date until I’m at my ideal size. At the same time though, someone should like you for who you are. Good looks are an added bonus, but it shouldn’t be your main focus.
Should I be mad? Absolutely not! I’m glad Tom and I did not work out.
Tom wasn’t the right guy, but here’s to finding someone who will accept me; curves and all!
(That’s me in the green!)